All about the ABCs

Some years ago, I decided to become and EMT (emergency medical technician and very common crossword puzzle answer).  This was before I found out how much they make.  Slightly more than minimum wage.  It was a tremendous amount of information to digest, and at times became a little overwhelming.  I talked to my instructor, and told her, I was afraid I'm not getting all the facts right, all the procedures, the numbers, etc.  And I'm really afraid that when I find myself in a emergency situation, I'll forget everything and my mind will go blank.  (This actually happened and I'll talk about it on another post).  So my instructor told me, "If that ever happens, just go back to the basics, go back to your ABCs." (in this case, our ABCs are "Airway, Breathing, and Circulation.")

My sister, mother to four children, gave me very similar parenting advice. "ABC - Always Be Calm.  Unless your child is in immediate physical danger, there is no need to yell."  I love this advice, even though I don't follow it as much as I should.  I think my sister is an amazing parent, and it's remarkable advice considering the household we grew up in.  Yelling was the most common form of communication in our house.  Until I was twenty, I thought this is how you're supposed to get your ideas across.  I'm learning now there are alternatives.

But it's something I really need to practice more of.  There have been so many times when I find my stress level reaching epic proportions, and in retrospect, there was no need to get so upset, and there was really no need to get that upset with your child.  The calmer I can be, the better she will be.  And even if it does nothing for her, it makes whatever tantrum she's having much less debilitating and draining for me.

Example.  Samantha has a friend in her class, Gemma.  Gemma has an older sister in second grade at the same school.  So a couple of days go, their mom was sick and their dad was working so I agreed to take them home with my daughter.  Their dad did not leave me a booster seat for their younger child, but said, "it's okay for just a short trip."  I know it was legally wrong, but before you start wagging your fingers at me, I did drive extra slowly, extra carefully.  But i'm getting ahead of myself.

I knew this was going to be a challenge for Samantha.  She has been obsessed with transitioning out of her car seat and into a booster seat for a solid year.  And she's still not forty pounds and even then, we've been clear that it's not going to happen until next school year, no matter how much she weighs.  That does not stop her.  Almost daily she asks for a booster.  When we got to Target or Costco, she wants to see the booster seat choices.  She has several models picked out, and I would not be surprised at all if this six year old figures out a way to charge it and have it delivered.  Along with ten grand worth of Disney crap, a Barbie jeep she can drive, and six inch high heeled shoes, size 9 kids.

So I said to her as we were leaving, "we have to take Gemma and Fiona home, and they didn't leave me a car seat, so they're just going to sit in the seat like a grown up."  Pause.  You could literally see the agony and dispair forming around her.  The frown, in the form of a perfect upside down "U" the shaking of her head.  Soon, tears would come.  This was so fundamentally wrong, so unjust, that her only recourse was to cry.  No, more like wail.  I tried to remember my ABCs, I was calm.  I was rational.  I was logical.  "It's just a short ride.  We're doing them a big favor.  We're helping their mom."  Nothing worked.  I tried acknowledging the situation.  "You're upset about being the only one in a car seat. (sure I'll risk other kids by putting them in a car with no car seat, but my own kid?  no way).    I know.  I would be upset too."  No dice.   Wailing, crying to the point of dehydration.  But I did manage to stay calm, during the entire ride, all seventeen hours of it.  And afterwards too.  When I asked her, "was it really that bad?"  she said, "It was horrible.  This was the worst day of my entire life."  At least she's able to keep things in perspective.  But eventually she was able to calm down, and even apologize and have fun the next day.  So parents, if you see me out with my kid, red in the face, looking exasperated, desperate, ready to flee to South America, feel free to remind me of my ABCs.  Hell, I did it once, I can do it again.